In Memory: Ardyce Gilna Horner Mons

My stepmother, Ardyce Mons, passed away on April 15th in the early morning (shortly after midnight). Jim, my oldest stepbrother and Ardyce's caretaker these past three-plus years, called this morning with the news that, while expected and not a surprise, was still terribly sad to hear.

Ardyce was a wonderful person. She became my mom after I was an adult but I'd known her when I was a child. She was very smart, well read and well educated, funny and bright. She looked after others and always inquired about how this person or that person was doing. When I made some colossal mistakes, she overlooked them (or looked beyond them) and extended grace. It's hard to think that she's gone.

One of the best things, fortunately, is that we had gathered in Denver a little more than a month ago to celebrate her 90th birthday. All six sons/step-sons were there and many of our families and it was a wonderful and fulfilling opportunity for us to gather and tell this woman how much we all loved and respected her. While her health had continued to decline, somehow she rallied that day and her eyes had the old sparkle and her mind the same ability to turn a phrase and make a quip. There's a full report on the party here and some additional pictures here.

Ardyce suffered from Multiple System Atrophy, a chronic progressive disease that is similar to Parkinson's. Cause of death was congestive heart failure.

Ardyce lived a rich and full life. Born and raised in Hastings, Nebraska, she graduated summa cum laude from Hastings College and worked for the local newspaper in Hastings after college. During that time she met and married Bill Horner with whom she had four sons: Jim, Burke, Bob and Dave. I recall that she traipsed across the United States during WWII as Bill was a naval officer and was stationed in several areas during the war.

After the war, they settled in Chicago and eventually moved to Lombard, Illinois ... I believe a year or two before our family moved to Lombard. Our families knew each other -- largely due to belonging to the same church: First Congregational of Lombard. I recall that my mom and Ardyce worked together on various church dinners and the like (especially during Lilacia Days when hordes of visitors would view Lombard's famous collection of Lilac bushes).

I believe Ardyce and Bill divorced in 1966 or 1967 -- strangely, I remember both my Mom and Dad telling me about the divorce as they had known how difficult the marriage had become and were glad that Illinois had finally passed a divorce law that permitted "no-fault" divorces. I knew Ardyce both from church and from her substitute teaching at our high school -- plus I still think she taught a Sunday School class or two of mine (which she vehemently denied). I also remember that Ardyce was attending Northern Illinois University and was the librarian at Wheaton High School. She counted Bob Woodward (one of the two Washington Post reporters who broke Watergate) and John Belushi (comedian extraordinaire) as two of her former patrons. (She didn't care much for Belushi, I fear!)

In the Spring of 1968, my mother died. Around Christmas that year, Ardyce and Dad bumped into each other (I believe it was at a Jewel Food Store -- ironic since Dad worked for Jewel for years) and Ardyce told Dad about the memorials the church had received in Mom's name and asked if he had a preference for one of several intended uses. Dad really appreciated her kindness and the way she had talked to him -- plus he had to find a date for a New Years party to which he had been invited. So he asked me if I think he should ask her out! I was unprepared to give dating advice to my own father but that's never stopped me from giving advice of any kind. I do remember that I thought it a bit odd that he'd be dating a woman who at times had been my substitute teacher.

Dad and Ardyce became a steady item. I was pretty much out of the house back then but for summers; my brother Roy was still in high school and tells me that Ardyce should have gotten partial credit for his high school diploma with all the help she gave him on homework assignments, etc. Dad and Ardyce would come out to visit me at Drake and Ardyce and Sharon (my first wife) became fast friends and allies.

Dad and Ardyce married on August 7th, 1971 -- one week before Sharon and I married. (Dad explained he wanted to introduce Ardyce as his wife in the reception line of our wedding.) About three years later, Dad retired and a few years after that Ardyce also retired.

Dad and Ardyce loved to travel via car. Ardyce had a huge network of family and friends across the United States and I think they visited darn near all of them during those years. On one trip back from the western United States (probably in 1977 or 1978), my Dad called and told me that they had found a place to retire to: Leisure World in Mesa AZ. Now this is true confession: my Dad was one of the last people I'd expect to move to a retirement community. And Ardyce was one of the last people I'd expect to accept the name "Leisure World" -- it was just too, well, contrived. So, I was convinced that Dad was just pulling an elaborate ruse (he had that kind of humor, after all) and I kept saying sarcastically, "sure, Dad, uh huh: Leisure World!" And he got madder and madder that I wouldn't believe him.

They moved to Leisure World later that year and moved into their home that was built on the golf course.

Dad and Ardyce loved it there and made a number of new friends. (We used to joke that Ardyce would know everyone's life story within 20 minutes of walking into a room filled with strangers.) Dad became a member of the homeowners association plus a founder of the local Lions Club; Ardyce joined all sorts of social clubs and delivered book reviews. The first summer there they stayed in Mesa (the summers were beastly hot) but thereafter would take off for cooler climes during the summers.

After about ten years there, Dad's health declined and Ardyce became a caretaker for him. He was not the best patient and she displayed both grace and good humor during this time -- I know it was difficult. Dad died in 1989.

Ardyce kept the home for several years and enjoyed her friendships at Leisure World. In particular, she would travel to Twain Hart CA with her good friend Betty Benedixon (not sure of the spelling on Betty's last name). As each grew older, the trips continued but at a slower pace.

Around 1998, Ardyce finally decided that she couldn't maintain the home and moved into the Beatitudes in Phoenix AZ. It was also around this time that the first symptoms of Multiple System Atrophy began to occur although the diagnosis wasn't formally made for several years. We visited her a few times after Dad's death and it became clearer that her physical health was declining and she needed increasing medical care. My brother Roy and his wife Jo visited each year and Roy ended up helping a great deal with coordinating her care and assisting her with some of the related issues.

In 2002, Jim finally convinced Ardyce that she would be better off moving to Denver where she'd be close to both Jim and Bob and where they could more easily coordinate her care, etc.

She started in an independent living facility but then transferred to assisted living care and finally nursing home care.

I was able to visit her more regularly in Denver. Alec, Barb and I saw her shortly after she moved to Denver and saw her small efficiency apartment. At that stage she tired easily but was still able to go out to a shopping mall (we bought her a couple of outfits for her birthday) and was pretty engaged.

Later, I made short trips with Drew and then again with Matt ... each time we were able to take her out for a drive and have a meal, etc.

Last spring, Jim suggested we visit her as it appeared her life was drawing to a close. We drove out in June and timed our visit with Roy and Jo's visit. Her health was continuing to decline and we saw that she was having a difficult time mustering the strength to stay focused on the conversation. After an hour or so, her strength just ebbed away and she needed to lie down and rest.

Because of her failing health, she was a candidate for the hospice program and we sat with her as the nursing home staff explained the benefits of the program, how it would operate, etc. Somehow, something got lost in the translation and Ardyce thought she was being asked not to enter the program but to administer it. She kindly explained to the nursing home staff that she appreciated the offer but she'd volunteered for things her whole lifetime and she'd prefer that somebody else take on the responsibility! It was a priceless moment and summed up her life so neatly -- this was a woman who took on and mastered so many challenges and it only made sense that she'd be asked to take on another one!

We all thought we'd said our last goodbyes to her that summer. But Ardyce wasn't one to give in easily and she survived through Christmas and January. In February, it was decided to celebrate her 90th birthday ane we had another call from Jim. While discussing the arrival of her sons Burke and David, she pointedly asked "and what about my other two boys?" Well, neither Roy nor I could spurn an invitation like that!

She lived a rich and full life. She gave more than she took. She will be missed.