Twenty Two Years Ago

A little over 22 years ago, Alec was born. As most know, Alec has Down Syndrome. Neither my wife, Barb, nor I were aware that he would have Down Syndrome prior to his birth as he was too active a fetus to permit amniocentesis. Since both Barb's mother and grandmother had given birth at an older age than Barb was, we thought the odds were with us.

I was stunned to find out. Barb tells me that she wasn't as surprised and that she had noticed some of the physical appearances when Alec was just born.

Now there's a range of advanced tests that will permit much earlier identification of Down Syndrome. And there's a corresponding increase in the rate of abortions of fetuses that test positive for Down Syndrome. People ask me what we would have done if we'd known at the time Barb was pregnant -- would we have carried through with the pregnancy.

While both of us are pro-choice, I think I'd have a terribly difficult time encouraging an abortion. But I also remember how stunned and scared I was when we received the news. Fortunately, we met with genetics staff from the hospital and also with volunteers who worked with Down Syndrome infants and children -- including a mom of a young boy with Down Syndrome.

We were able to get most of our questions answered and they were able to shatter many of the myths and preconceptions. And, most importantly, we realized that the differences between Alec and his brothers were not all that important -- and that we could no more predict what would happen with Alec at the age of one day than we were able to predict for our other three sons when they were a day old.

So I can understand on one hand how an expectant couple (or mother) would react after first getting the test results. I can only hope that they/she slow things down enough to talk to others, get more information and then make an informed decision.

Being Alec's father has been different than being dad for the other boys. Not better. Not worse. But different. And I wouldn't do things differently knowing what I know now -- I just wish I'd known then how it would have turned out.

But what parent doesn't say that?!?